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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Bash Back! Communique #666 (2009)

Greetings ass-pirates and carpet-munchers,
As we’re sure you’ve already been made aware, the newly elected president of the United States has committed to repealing the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy, and will allow queers to serve openly in the military. In the past, we at Bash Back!, have been extremely critical of queer military service. We’ve been known to refer to DADT activists as “racist, assimilationist fucks” or “imperialist tools” or simply “what fucking idiots”. Those familiar with our past position on the issue will be surprised to learn that we have had a change of heart.
We are now completely in favor of queer military service! We have come to several realizations and applaud the repeal of DADT for the following reasons:
The military has BIG weapons. In our efforts to arm queers, BB! crews have been working to obtain insidious amounts of pepper spray and other self defense weapons. However, if our operatives can infiltrate the military, we will have access to bigger and better toys (not to mention the training that goes with them). We’re already fierce as fuck, imagine us with military training.
After doing some research on the issue, we’ve discovered that right wing christians, politicians, and military officials are in consensus on the fact that queers in the military will completely compromise unit cohesion, battle readiness, and the overall strength of the armed forces. Being that Bash Back! opposes militarism, imperialism and ALL forms of state power, we are ecstatic about the opportunity to destroy the military from the inside!
We’ve been watching a lot of military porn and reading a healthy amount of “barracks” themed erotica lately. Needless to say we’ve developed a bit of a collective military fetish. Our walls are already covered in pre-cum at the very possibility of the orgies we can instigate once we’re bunking up with a bunch of sex-deprived sailors.
In short, thank you, Barack Obama and the assimilationist gay establishment!
Truly yours,
the birds of a cumming storm,
Bash Back!
P.S. DADT activists are still racist, tools of empire.
P.P.S. Come to the radical queer convergence in May!
bashbacknews.wordpress.com

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